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Sunday, November 8, 2009

Long Time Long Time

It's been over a year since I posted, and since last I posted I have been to Missouri and now California, spending the next year as a volunteer for Ananda Marga, A Spiritual/Social Service Organization. My direct superior is a monk named Dada Nabhaniilananda. Say that three times fast. He is a "kiwi" or New Zealander with a british accent. You would think a man wearing orange monk's robes would be very calm and say very mystical things, but Dada is very down-to-earth normal and likes the culture he comes from very much, constantly fighting away American culture.

This past summer I was in Missouri, being trained for my current position. I am called a Local Full Timer (LFT). The training involved the inculcation of the following daily routine:

4:45am - Wake up
5am - morning chants and group meditation
5:30 - 7am - bath and personal meditation
7 - 8am - yoga asanas
8-9am - chanting and group meditation
9-10am - breakfast
10-12pm - philosophy courses
12-1pm - noon meditation (sometimes group, sometimes individual)
1-2pm - lunch
2-3pm - hour of silence
3-5pm - philosophy courses
5-6pm - free time/labor work
6-7pm - chanting and group meditation
7-8pm - yoga asanas
8-9pm - dinner
9-10pm - free time/study hour
10 - 10:30pm - group chanting and meditation
10:30-4:45am - SLEEP

Wow, looking back, we busted our asses! I've since relaxed a little, sometimes waking up as late as 8 or 9 am. But things are starting to solidify here now that I've REALLY accepted my position for the next year. Tomorrow, I start working for the organizations sister business, Nirvana Beads, a wholesale bead selling business. It seems a lot of monastic orders have some business on the side to keep the monks afloat. Back at school, this order of monks outside of town made this really good bread called Monk's Bread. It came in cinammon raisin, maple & brown sugar, etc. So, we sell beads. Yes, hippie shit.

Through all of this, my girlfriend has really been a saint. Sometimes she wines and tells me how much she misses me, but she has become so strong over the past few months. She's opened up in the most magnificent ways. I'm really proud of her. When this is all over, her and I have a house on a lake lined up. I need to find a job while she finishes up her last year of school, and then after that who knows! My hopes is by June 2010 the economy rolls back over and lifts me up to $15-30/hr. I'll need the money; we will need the money.

In any case, I am fighting inner demons and ego trips left and right. My mind has become a battle ground, casualties abound. With the help of Dada, many of those casualties are the enemy.
Fear, lust, jealousy, mistrust, attachment, greed, gluttony, dying helplessly on the field of war. The only problem is they are taking me down with them, for you see, the person I am fighting is none other than myself. The good news is though, that even though fighting the evil within hurts DEARLY at the moment of battle, the result is freedom and a purity that does not compare. Submission to ones selfish desires only perpetuates the pain, for when one eats too much, doesn't the stomach ache. It gets "worse" with meditation, or more to the point, the more you meditate, the more you become aware of the bull shit you put yourself through everyday. Complaining, resenting others, eating too much, watching too many movies, masterbation. Worst of all, if you ignore that very small "voice" within, it's harder to find later. On the flip side, the more you listen to your intuition and control EVERYTHING about yourself, the more REAL happiness you begin to feel. Of course, personally, if my mind starts spewing poetry, I NEVER attempt to control it, just let it flow.